Mike and I have been together since 1988 and love every minute of our time together. We both have a passion for travel, reading, and the beach. These are our ramblings as we travel together through life. Enjoy!
Friday, May 26, 2023
North Bend Campground
Saturday, April 29, 2023
Dream Job
I love to clean, organize, purge, and check items off a list.
I happen to post that I was in Maine and a friend from my teaching days in Westbrook saw the post and invited me for coffee or in my case hot chocolate. We met at the Little Dog Coffee Shop in Brunswick. We spent quality time catching up on our lives and what the future holds.
I told her about my dream job: helping people clean out their houses. She was getting ready to clean out her mom's condo. Life has a strange sense of serendipity, and she was looking for someone to do exactly that! She had a buyer lined up and was planning to close in the beginning of June. She was having a company come look over the condo and price out the cost of the removal of her mom's possessions. I jumped at the idea and said I would do it if she wanted me to.
The next day I received a text asking if I was serious and if I would help. I was thrilled to help. Mike and I went to meet her and her sisters and look at the volume of the job. I have cleaned out houses in the past and loved the work, but I had never done it for a non-family member. This was going to be my chance to decide if this was truly my dream job or not. The condo was about 45 miles south of Mike's parents and an easy commute. It was an area that was quaint and friendly.
The sisters were at different levels of letting go of their mom's possessions, their childhood memories, and family mementos. We discussed what the goal was for the possessions: items to go to a good home, and then decided on a start time. I was ready!
Mike and I returned with our work clothes and an excitement to being doing something physical after so many days of resting. We had free reign to do what was necessary to empty the house. Sort and organize was the first step on our list. They had left items with sticky notes that were to be picked up by family members at different times. So we took pictures of the items with the notes (stickies kept falling off) and moved them to one area on the first floor. We then arranged the living room so we could add more items from other areas of the house. Our goal was to remove big items first and then sort smaller ones. We then moved up stairs and brought down the items up there. We left a few items upstairs as they were too heavy and bulky to bring down: a bureau, a desk and a queen-sized bed. That was day one.
Day 2: I went back and cleaned the 2 bathrooms and 2 bedrooms and the 6 closets in the upstairs. Ceiling to floor clean with dusting, vacuuming and wiping all the surfaces.
As the days went on, we sorted through all the items. Clothing, linens, pictures, lamps, office supplies, correspondence, stamps, coins, jewelry, silver, trinkets, cleaning products, etc...
As a third party going through the house of someone else was easy for me as I did not have the sentimental connection to the items. But let me tell you it was a fascinating, educational process for Mike and I. We felt like we knew the lovely lady of the house when we were done. Her reading habits her utter love for the art of letter writing and documentation of generations of life events. What she valued based on the items she kept was intriguing. She was the keeper of the past and had letters dating back to the mid 1800s and books from the late 1700s, notes on the back of artwork and original receipts for items over 100 years old. She wrote reviews of the books she read and notes to herself. One of my favorites was a note on the top of a box of postcards. "These bring me joy in the rereading of them!" as if she wanted the finder of the box to understand their worth and why she kept them.
Once the house was sorted, we then arranged for the sale of items. I had a few different auction companies come in a take what they could sell at their live and online auctions. The jewelry, coins and silver were sold to a dealer who specialized in such items. I took old towels and linens to the local animal rescue, books to libraries and clothes and personal hygiene to a woman's shelter. A book collector also was arranged, and he took boxes of books. Then came a inside estate sale where it was open to the public to come purchase the rest. These steps completely emptied the upstairs, the basement, the kitchen and dining room. The items would go to someone that wanted them and saw their value. Items were not simply tossed to Goodwill or into the trash. I believe that 95% of items can be recycled into a new and wanted home and I am proud that I gave them that option.
We came back the last day and took the remaining items to local community centers and a few remaining items to the recycle plant. Sadly, the recycle plant closed before we finished, 2:30 PM on a Friday, and was not open on the weekend, so I had to leave a few items on the porch to be taken later. The house was dusted, vacuumed and wiped and the door was locked.
It was sad to say goodbye. I came to love the house, the contents, and especially the lady who owned it all. She passed away in the middle of my time working on her home. The clearing of a loved one's possessions while they are living are very different than once they have passed. A finality settles in and changes the minds of the loved ones removing the items. Strangely the items have more value than they did before as they serve as a reminder to who once loved them.
I am thankful for the opportunity given to me. The trust I was provided with to care for the items of the home and to find them a new home. I was the happiest I have been in a while serving a great purpose and enjoying the labor involved. I thank my friend for the support and trust she shared with me. I thank Mike for his time and muscle in this dream job of mine.
Yes, it is still my dream job and I look forward to opportunities to continue to serve and help others.
Let me know if you help cleaning out your place or someone else's. I have the time and we can bring our own sleeping quarters with us!
Friday, April 14, 2023
LIBB
Plan B....
Buy a travel trailer.
The past few years I have dreamed of buying a camper, RV, travel trailer, a pickup truck I could sleep in, tiny home on wheels, or converted bus to sleeper...you name it I wanted it so I could travel the US. I no longer wanted to tent camp as it rains wherever we go so I wanted something simple but dry. Basically a hard sided tent.
After the depressing experience of trying to buy a house I decided it was time. Mike and I have been looking at them for the past 2 years online, at camper shows and visiting RV dealers to narrow down our choice and decide what would fit our needs the best. We did not want something too big that we would need a new vehicle to tow it nor too big for me to feel comfortable towing it. Mike has no problem with towing but I am skeptical in my abilities. We needed the camper to be less than 4,500 lbs. so our vehicle with a towing capacity of 5,000 lbs. would not struggle.
There are so many different types of campers that your mind can spin with the options: Class A Motorhome, Class B Motorhome, Class C Motorhome, Travel Trailer, 5th Wheel, Toy Hauler, Teardrop Trailer, Truck Camper, and Tent Camper. We decided on a travel trailer and so we then had to select a floor plan. This is a daunting task and was hard to do for us because one of us is super picky about housing. Yeah that would be me, Nancy. We needed to consider Mike's height so he can actually stand inside the unit. We needed to consider the bed layout...do you want to crawl over each other or have your own access. Consideration of bathroom possibilities is also a factor. As we are used to tent camping this was not a huge issue for us. We know how to dig a hole and go but if we are buying a travel trailer they come with a bathroom. Also kitchen layouts.- BH Bunk House
- DS Dinette Slide
- RB Rear Bath
- TB Twin Bed
Friday, April 07, 2023
House Hunting
We arrived in Maine with the purpose of buying our latest house. That goal seemed simple: look for a house, view the house, buy the house.
Not so simple.
The Maine market had changed drastically since we last owned a house in this beautiful state. Covid changed the value of houses and land and not for the better. People want ridiculous amounts for structures that need to be torn down. One place we looked at needed to be razed to the foundation as a tree fell on the house 20 years ago. You could see through the walls into the sky, out to the woods, and thru to the basement. The septic tank was eroded, and the driveway had been reclaimed by nature. The house sold for over asking price. A complete shock to me. Not only do you need to rebuild the house you also had to pay for the demolition and disposal of the debris.
We looked at places within our budget that were turnkey. We were excited because they were reasonably priced and would just need cosmetic updates: cleaning, paint, removal of carpets. We went to the open houses for these places and were overwhelmed with the amount of people looking. There were waiting lines at some of them. Cars parked down the street and around the block. Wow! So, they lured you in with a reasonable price knowing that there would be bidding wars. We did not engage and left these properties to others. I would check back to see how much they sold for, and it was often $100,000 to 200,000 over asking.
We looked at land as well. Land values have also increased exponentially over the past 5 years. We thought we might like to build. Researched the cost to build a house and it was $295 a square foot. That would be $442,500 for a 1,500 sq. ft. house in addition to the land value, septic, well, driveway, electric, garage, etc... We left this idea to others as well.
We decided to open our search to other states and did not fair any better.
Plan B...
Sunday, March 19, 2023
Journey North
We left Richmond on March 1 and headed north.
The drive started out in the wee hours of the morning to hopefully miss the snowstorm that was rolling in north of us. Mike's work has sent him off with a travel kit of water, diet coke, cheese and crackers, celery, carrots and humus and some chocolate too. No need to stop for snacks along the way. They even placed it all in a large personal size cooler with freezer packs. We split the goodies as we were taking both vehicles north.
We stopped for gas, slowed for rain/sleet storms, avoided peak traffic times and dodged accidents and found ourselves in south western CT around 5 pm. We decided to stop for the night as it had been a long drive and the rain was heavy. Pub 99 was next to the hotel so we stopped in for supper and felt like we were welcomed home. The people were friendly and kind, the gold fever wings delicious and Sam Adams' Cold Snap on tap!
The next morning, we headed out with our end designation of Mike's parents in Maine. We immediately noticed the difference in driving. Southern drivers tend to be oblivious that anyone else is on the road with them. They travel in the passing lane, travel on the speed limit, enter and on ramp without the thought of merging, lane change without reason and text while driving. New England drivers are more aggressive and therefore in my opinion pay attention to the task of driving. They pass in the passing lane and return to the travel lane once they passed a vehicle. They vary their speeds to let oncoming cars merge. They alternate in slowed traffic; they move out of the way when a car comes up from behind. It was a refreshing change. They are focused on driving and nothing else.
We arrived and settled in just in time for the snowstorm to drop its beautiful white flakes. Mike's parents were gracious hosts and fed us well.
We ate at our favorite haunts and shopped our favorite stores in the area. I met up with a friend from my Westbrook teaching days and she offered me my dream job! More on that later. We settled into a routine and worked on looking for a house. We spent our weekends looking at open houses and weekdays by appointment looking for our new house.
House hunting was a frustrating and disappointing time. As our previous realtors can attest, we know what we want and really do not settle for less. So, the homes on the market were extremely overpriced, thanks to COVID, and underwhelming. Most places were asking for $200-300,000 over their true worth and then needed a $100,000 for necessary updates and repairs. Those priced correctly with no work needed sold for $100,000 over asking price. Knowing this was not a forever home, again, we decided to keep looking, and looking, and looking.
Saturday, February 25, 2023
Planning for the Inevitable
Part 1 Planning for the Inevitable
My dad had always been a planner.
After I graduated college, I lived with my parents for a year while I taught at the elementary school down the road. I was engaged to be married and was paying off college debt and trying to save money at the same time.
Sadly, my one and only possession was stolen right out in front of my childhood home. My blue Nissan that I purchased all on my own before I was 20. Granted, my older brother sold it to me cheaply. I still skimped while paying down the loan.
When I was stuck without a car because I did not think it was worth paying the insurance coverage I asked for a loan from my father. He told me sorry he could not because he had just buried himself and my mother. I was so confused because they were both standing in front of me. He clarified that he prepaid for all the funeral costs for himself and my mom. I asked if he needed to tell me anything and he laughed and said no just making it easier for you kids when we do die sometime in the future.
And easy he did make it, in managing and closing his estate. The dying/death part is never easy. He told us where the folder of his funeral plans, life insurance policies, military documents, copies of financials, list of passwords, named beneficiaries on his accounts, a copy of the will, the trust, etc…were kept. We knew what he wanted because he talked about it often to all of us, planned for it and organized it.
What I have learned I want to pass along to others. Most people I talk to do not have their death planned out. They do not want to even talk about it. It is a natural part of life and should be openly discussed. I admit that it has not been a struggle to close his estate, but I know several people who it has been a nightmare for. Family fighting over life support decisions, the funeral arrangements, the house, theft of possessions in the house before others arrive, etc… It can all be avoided if you take the time now to make your wishes known and set your affairs in order.
So here is my advice compiled in one easy blog post. I am sure I am not including everything there is to know. My past experiences guide me as I closed 3 different estates in my lifetime. This pertains to the USA, and I cannot speak to other countries. I know in Brazil burial takes place within 24 hours, in the USA it can be days, weeks, or months depending on need and preferences. My knowledge is also based in Catholic funeral services and cannot speak to how other religions handle their deceased. I also suggest that you seek out professional knowledge from those in the know. Estate planners, lawyers, financial planners, funeral directors, etc…
This is not a complete list of what needs to be done. Every estate is different, but this is a good starting point. Also, each US state might have different laws for different topics.
Death is a topic that should be discussed while you are alive. This gives the loved ones in your life the chance to know what you want, ask questions and accept that it is a natural part of life. There are professional organizations that can help you if you need them. Call a family meeting making sure to involve siblings, spouses, children whoever you feel needs to be there. This way, all instructions and plans are heard at the same time, well understood and acknowledged in advance of the future death. Remember that young children can handle more than you give them credit for. If they are not to be included in the discussions, then they should not be in the house when it is discussed to avoid overhearing the conversation and not understanding what is happening.
Before this conversation you have some homework to do. And yes, you need to do it! It ensures you have had the time to think about and decide what your true wishes are.
I am including a list, but these are the big legal things you need to have in place. A filed Will, Health Care Directive, Named Beneficiaries on accounts and if applicable Revocable or Irrevocable Trust. Your goal is for nothing to go to probate. Power of Attorney should be granted to the executor closer to death to help ensure bills are paid and monies are managed. You also need to plan to the best of your ability where you want to die and then what happens to your body after you die. Do I want to be at home, a nursing home, hospice facility or in the hospital? Do I want to be Buried? Cremated? Aquamated, or a green burial?
When my brother died, he wanted to be cremated but my parents did not know that so he was buried. Had he had a will and specified his preference in his will, his wishes would have been honored. Since he did not, the heir/executor were allowed to make that choice.
Again, the goal is for nothing to go to probate. Probate is the legal process by which an estate of someone who has died is distributed to the heirs. This process also includes paying any debts the deceased person owed and settling all assets. Probate can last between 6 - 24 months depending on the estate and the state.
Non-probate property includes:
Assets titled in the name of a trust or designating a trust as beneficiary. Many people set up living trusts specifically to avoid probate. The trustee named in the trust is authorized to carry out the trust's instructions, including distributing trust assets to beneficiaries.
Property with a named beneficiary. Common examples include life insurance policies, IRAs, 401(k)s, and pensions.
Bank accounts with beneficiaries. These do not go through probate if they have a payable on death (POD) designation. Other property such as real estate or vehicles is non-probate property if there's a transfer on death (TOD) designation.
Property owned jointly, with survivorship rights. This means that, if one owner dies, the other owner automatically gets the deceased owner's interest in the property. Look for the words "joint tenancy with right of survivorship" or "tenancy by the entirety" in the title documents.
Probate assets include:
Real estate, vehicles, and other titled assets owned solely by the deceased person or as a tenant in common with someone else. Tenants in common don't have survivorship rights.
Personal possessions. Household items go through probate, along with clothing, jewelry, and collections. The inventory should include the deceased's personal belongings that remain after death.
Each state has its own rules, as with probate in general. The general priority of the payments from the estate flows as follows:
Funeral costs. The estate must pay funeral costs. The state may limit these costs, so it is worth considering a cap before you plan an expensive service.
Administrative costs. The estate is responsible for paying all costs related to administering the estate, such as court fees, legal fees, and payments to the executor.
Family allowance. Family allowances in states that are allowed are given priority.
Taxes. The estate must file the deceased’s final tax return and pay any income tax that is not paid. The estate must also pay any estate and property taxes.
Medical bills. Medical bills incurred by the deceased are treated separately from other unsecured debts, such as credit card loans.
All other debts. The executor must notify creditors about the death of the deceased. They generally have three to six months to file a claim.
ESTATE PLAN
Disclose your wishes to the people who will carry out the estate plan. They should know the following, have copies of the paperwork, and know the location of the originals.
MEDICAL
Print a list of all meds and surgeries with dates, keep in current when possible
Advanced Health Care Directive (AHCD)
…are written, legal instructions regarding your preferences for medical care if you are unable to make decisions for yourself. Advance directives guide choices for doctors and caregivers if you're terminally ill, seriously injured, in a coma, in the late stages of dementia or near the end of life.
By planning ahead, you can get the medical care you want, avoid unnecessary suffering and relieve caregivers of decision-making burdens during moments of crisis or grief. You also help reduce confusion or disagreement about the choices you would want people to make on your behalf.
Advance directives need to be in writing. Each state has different forms and requirements for creating legal documents. Depending on where you live, a form may need to be signed by a witness or notarized.
Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)
If your heart stops, you may not want to have health care providers try to restart it. In order for this to happen, a physician must issue an order called a “Do not resuscitate” order, a “DNR” order or a “no code.” The purpose of a DNR order is to allow a natural death if your heart stops.
If yes, POST in house where it can be seen by EMT, first responders, family members
Living Will
Make known the medical treatments you do and do not want to have.
Your advance health care directive must be in writing, state your name and be dated.
It must name a health care agent, give instructions about your health care choices
You must sign the directive at a time when you can understand and state your health care wishes.
Let family know your wishes. Meet as a group. Then everyone hears the same messages about your values and treatment choices.
Ask them to try to understand your beliefs and wishes before you begin. This helps to limit conflict and confusion in the future.
Health Care proxy or Durable Power Of Attorney (DPOA)
Name someone to make medical decisions for you when you cannot or choose not to do so.
More info can be found from the Mayo Clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/living-wills/art-20046303
Prefered Place of Death
If I am dying, I would like to be:
❑ at home ❑ in a hospital ❑ in a nursing facility ❑ other
Organ Donor
❑Yes ❑No
Signing up as an organ donor happens through your state.
Visit the DMV or sign-up online https://www.organdonor.gov/
LEGAL
Guardianship over your children __________________
Current Will filed with Office of Register of Wills, in the state you live
Named Executor ______________________________
Financial Power of Attorney - A legal document that gives someone the power to handle your financial affairs.
Living Trust to ensure properties and finances go directly to heirs
Military Discharge paperwork (DD Form 214)
FINANCIAL
Life Insurance optional __________________________
Beneficiaries named on accounts
TOD (Transfer On Death) or POD (Payable On Death)
Car
House
Business
Treasury Bonds
Recent copy of all account statements (digital or print) login credentials
OTHER
Care of pets __________________________________
Do you want a priest, minister, clergy, or religious leader present close to death for Last Rites, Commendation of the Dying, Confession, other
Memberships/Organizations ______________________
PRE-PLAN WISHES AFTER DEATH
Are you military or veteran? ❑ Yes ❑ No
If yes, these are options are available
Burial Flag
The playing of “Taps”
A rifle detail
A color guard
Uniformed service members who present the burial flag
DD Form 214 is required (Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty)
Obituary
Write your own ___________________________
Select a Photo ___________________________
Where do you want it posted
Local Newspaper
Digital Accounts
What family members should be notified of your death _____________________
Create a message for loved ones. Write a letter, make a video, or whatever you think will be most meaningful for the people who matter most.
Do you want a reception after services ❑ Yes ❑ No
Where
Food
People
Mood
Designate who should receive personal items
Wedding rings
Antique furnishings
Mementos of import to you
Where to find list __________________________________
House Deed
Car Titles
Financial Paperwork
Bank Accounts, 401K, 403B, Investment, CDs, Treasury Bonds, Promissory Notes, Mortgage
Passwords
Include phone, iPad, tablet, computer, email, social media accounts, etc.
Safe Combination
Safe Deposit Box and Key
Life Insurance Policy and beneficiaries
Bills with due dates and amounts
mortgage, water/sewer, garbage, power, gas, internet, cable/satellite, homeowners insurance, etc…
Clearly mark CLOSED accounts
Dispose of any items you do want others to find
Diaries
Videos
Photos
Review your digital accounts and decide what you’d like to happen with them when you die.
Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, LinkedIn, etc…
Digital wallets, PayPal, Venmo
Cryptocurrencies (Bitcoin, Ether, etc.).
Photos (Flickr, Shutterstock) / videos (YouTube, Vimeo) / music you’ve made (Bandcamp, Soundcloud) / music you’ve purchased (iTunes), etc.
Health-related services (insurance, electronic medical records, etc.).
Email accounts (and emails stored in them).
Websites, blogs, and hosting accounts.
E-commerce seller accounts (Amazon, eBay, Etsy, Zazzle, CafePress, etc.).
Forums, wikis, online communities.
Review sites (Yelp, TripAdvisor, etc.).
Subscriptions, including music (iTunes, Spotify, Pandora), boxes/products (Blue Apron, Dollar Shave Club), newspapers/magazines, etc.
Data storage (iCloud, Dropbox, Google Drive, etc.) and any files stored there.
Streaming services (Netflix, Hulu, etc.).
Loyalty/reward programs (airline miles, hotel or credit card points, etc.).
Data stored on your devices (computer hard drive or tablet/smartphone memory).
Smartphone-related accounts (Apple ID, Google account for Android, etc.).
Apps and data stored in electronic devices.
YOUR BODY
Cremation
Make sure family knows this is your wish
The next-of-kin must sign authorizing cremation services. (Spouse or All Children)
A death certificate is required by law
Direct Cremation - done without a funeral home
Cremation via funeral home
Visit the body before it is cremated
Cost may be higher than direct cremation
Disbursement of Ashes
Wake
Buried
Scattered
Split among family members
Commemorated (jewelry, urn, etc…)
Cremation Permit accompanies the cremated remains when flying and/or crossing state lines. Also have a death certificate with you.
Cremation Certificate needs to be given to cemetery if burial is planned
Do religions permit cremation?
Catholicism, Buddhism, Hindus, and Jehovah’s Witness allow it.
Judaism and Islam do not
Aquamation
The scientific name for this process is Alkaline Hydrolysis. It’s the same process that occurs as part of nature’s course when a body is laid to rest in the soil
A combination of gentle water flow, temperature, and alkalinity are used to accelerate the breakdown of organic materials
Remains are a white powder
Disbursement of Ashes
Wake
Buried
Scattered
Split among family members
Commemorated (jewelry, urn, etc…)
More expensive than cremation
Green Burial
Green burial is designed to have a minimal environmental impact and conserve natural resources
The body is not cremated, prepared with chemicals, or buried in a concrete vault
It is placed in a biodegradable container and interred in a gravesite to decompose fully and return to nature
Plot/Location
Burial
Embalming
Coffin/Casket
Plot/Location
Funeral/Wake/Memorial service or Celebration of life?
Funeral Home ___________________________________________
Burial Clothes ______________________________________
Adornments at Wake (jewelry, rosary beads, hair piece)
Are adornments to be buried with body or removed
Wake
❑ Yes ❑ No
Photos
Poster
Framed
Video
Casket Type ___________________________________
Register Book
Prayer Cards
Flowers
In Lieu of Flowers _______________________________
Religious Services
Mass/Service
Priest ________________________________________
Psalms _______________________________________
Readings _____________________________________
Songs ________________________________________
Eulogy - Ask them in advance _____________________
Speakers______________________________________
Military Service receives a flag for Casket covering
Resting Place
Location ___________________________________________
Family in attendance
Priest, minister, clergy, or religious leader at Graveside
Headstone/grave marker? Have I written out what I want inscribed on it? Design?____________________________________________
Reception / Celebration of Life
When
Where
Food
People
Photos
Music
Mood





