Travels of Gilamonsta & The Ijit Dragon: Planning for the Inevitable

Part 1 Planning for the Inevitable

My dad had always been a planner.

After I graduated college, I lived with my parents for a year while I taught at the elementary school down the road. I was engaged to be married and was paying off college debt and trying to save money at the same time.

Sadly, my one and only possession was stolen right out in front of my childhood home. My blue Nissan that I purchased all on my own before I was 20. Granted, my older brother sold it to me cheaply. I still skimped while paying down the loan.

When I was stuck without a car because I did not think it was worth paying the insurance coverage I asked for a loan from my father. He told me sorry he could not because he had just buried himself and my mother. I was so confused because they were both standing in front of me. He clarified that he prepaid for all the funeral costs for himself and my mom. I asked if he needed to tell me anything and he laughed and said no just making it easier for you kids when we do die sometime in the future.

And easy he did make it, in managing and closing his estate. The dying/death part is never easy. He told us where the folder of his funeral plans, life insurance policies, military documents, copies of financials, list of passwords, named beneficiaries on his accounts, a copy of the will, the trust, etc…were kept. We knew what he wanted because he talked about it often to all of us, planned for it and organized it.

What I have learned I want to pass along to others. Most people I talk to do not have their death planned out. They do not want to even talk about it. It is a natural part of life and should be openly discussed. I admit that it has not been a struggle to close his estate, but I know several people who it has been a nightmare for. Family fighting over life support decisions, the funeral arrangements, the house, theft of possessions in the house before others arrive, etc… It can all be avoided if you take the time now to make your wishes known and set your affairs in order.

So here is my advice compiled in one easy blog post. I am sure I am not including everything there is to know. My past experiences guide me as I closed 3 different estates in my lifetime. This pertains to the USA, and I cannot speak to other countries. I know in Brazil burial takes place within 24 hours, in the USA it can be days, weeks, or months depending on need and preferences. My knowledge is also based in Catholic funeral services and cannot speak to how other religions handle their deceased. I also suggest that you seek out professional knowledge from those in the know. Estate planners, lawyers, financial planners, funeral directors, etc…

This is not a complete list of what needs to be done. Every estate is different, but this is a good starting point. Also, each US state might have different laws for different topics.

Death is a topic that should be discussed while you are alive. This gives the loved ones in your life the chance to know what you want, ask questions and accept that it is a natural part of life. There are professional organizations that can help you if you need them. Call a family meeting making sure to involve siblings, spouses, children whoever you feel needs to be there. This way, all instructions and plans are heard at the same time, well understood and acknowledged in advance of the future death. Remember that young children can handle more than you give them credit for. If they are not to be included in the discussions, then they should not be in the house when it is discussed to avoid overhearing the conversation and not understanding what is happening.

Before this conversation you have some homework to do. And yes, you need to do it! It ensures you have had the time to think about and decide what your true wishes are.

I am including a list, but these are the big legal things you need to have in place. A filed Will, Health Care Directive, Named Beneficiaries on accounts and if applicable Revocable or Irrevocable Trust. Your goal is for nothing to go to probate. Power of Attorney should be granted to the executor closer to death to help ensure bills are paid and monies are managed. You also need to plan to the best of your ability where you want to die and then what happens to your body after you die. Do I want to be at home, a nursing home, hospice facility or in the hospital? Do I want to be Buried? Cremated? Aquamated, or a green burial?

When my brother died, he wanted to be cremated but my parents did not know that so he was buried. Had he had a will and specified his preference in his will, his wishes would have been honored. Since he did not, the heir/executor were allowed to make that choice.

Again, the goal is for nothing to go to probate. Probate is the legal process by which an estate of someone who has died is distributed to the heirs. This process also includes paying any debts the deceased person owed and settling all assets. Probate can last between 6 - 24 months depending on the estate and the state.

Non-probate property includes:

Assets titled in the name of a trust or designating a trust as beneficiary. Many people set up living trusts specifically to avoid probate. The trustee named in the trust is authorized to carry out the trust's instructions, including distributing trust assets to beneficiaries.
Property with a named beneficiary. Common examples include life insurance policies, IRAs, 401(k)s, and pensions.
Bank accounts with beneficiaries. These do not go through probate if they have a payable on death (POD) designation. Other property such as real estate or vehicles is non-probate property if there's a transfer on death (TOD) designation.
Property owned jointly, with survivorship rights. This means that, if one owner dies, the other owner automatically gets the deceased owner's interest in the property. Look for the words "joint tenancy with right of survivorship" or "tenancy by the entirety" in the title documents.

Probate assets include:

Real estate, vehicles, and other titled assets owned solely by the deceased person or as a tenant in common with someone else. Tenants in common don't have survivorship rights.
Personal possessions. Household items go through probate, along with clothing, jewelry, and collections. The inventory should include the deceased's personal belongings that remain after death.

Each state has its own rules, as with probate in general. The general priority of the payments from the estate flows as follows:

Funeral costs. The estate must pay funeral costs. The state may limit these costs, so it is worth considering a cap before you plan an expensive service.
Administrative costs. The estate is responsible for paying all costs related to administering the estate, such as court fees, legal fees, and payments to the executor.
Family allowance. Family allowances in states that are allowed are given priority.
Taxes. The estate must file the deceased’s final tax return and pay any income tax that is not paid. The estate must also pay any estate and property taxes.
Medical bills. Medical bills incurred by the deceased are treated separately from other unsecured debts, such as credit card loans.
All other debts. The executor must notify creditors about the death of the deceased. They generally have three to six months to file a claim.

ESTATE PLAN

Disclose your wishes to the people who will carry out the estate plan. They should know the following, have copies of the paperwork, and know the location of the originals.

MEDICAL

Print a list of all meds and surgeries with dates, keep in current when possible
Advanced Health Care Directive (AHCD)

…are written, legal instructions regarding your preferences for medical care if you are unable to make decisions for yourself. Advance directives guide choices for doctors and caregivers if you're terminally ill, seriously injured, in a coma, in the late stages of dementia or near the end of life.
By planning ahead, you can get the medical care you want, avoid unnecessary suffering and relieve caregivers of decision-making burdens during moments of crisis or grief. You also help reduce confusion or disagreement about the choices you would want people to make on your behalf.
Advance directives need to be in writing. Each state has different forms and requirements for creating legal documents. Depending on where you live, a form may need to be signed by a witness or notarized.

Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)

If your heart stops, you may not want to have health care providers try to restart it. In order for this to happen, a physician must issue an order called a “Do not resuscitate” order, a “DNR” order or a “no code.” The purpose of a DNR order is to allow a natural death if your heart stops.
If yes, POST in house where it can be seen by EMT, first responders, family members

Living Will

Make known the medical treatments you do and do not want to have.
Your advance health care directive must be in writing, state your name and be dated.
It must name a health care agent, give instructions about your health care choices
You must sign the directive at a time when you can understand and state your health care wishes.
Let family know your wishes. Meet as a group. Then everyone hears the same messages about your values and treatment choices.
Ask them to try to understand your beliefs and wishes before you begin. This helps to limit conflict and confusion in the future.

Health Care proxy or Durable Power Of Attorney (DPOA)

Name someone to make medical decisions for you when you cannot or choose not to do so.

More info can be found from the Mayo Clinic: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/living-wills/art-20046303

Prefered Place of Death

If I am dying, I would like to be:

❑ at home ❑ in a hospital ❑ in a nursing facility ❑ other

Organ Donor

❑Yes ❑No

Signing up as an organ donor happens through your state.
Visit the DMV or sign-up online https://www.organdonor.gov/

LEGAL

Guardianship over your children __________________
Current Will filed with Office of Register of Wills, in the state you live
Named Executor ______________________________
Financial Power of Attorney - A legal document that gives someone the power to handle your financial affairs.
Living Trust to ensure properties and finances go directly to heirs
Military Discharge paperwork (DD Form 214)

FINANCIAL

Life Insurance optional __________________________
Beneficiaries named on accounts
TOD (Transfer On Death) or POD (Payable On Death)

Car
House
Business
Treasury Bonds

Recent copy of all account statements (digital or print) login credentials

OTHER

Care of pets __________________________________
Do you want a priest, minister, clergy, or religious leader present close to death for Last Rites, Commendation of the Dying, Confession, other
Memberships/Organizations ______________________

PRE-PLAN WISHES AFTER DEATH

Are you military or veteran? ❑ Yes ❑ No

If yes, these are options are available

Burial Flag
The playing of “Taps”
A rifle detail
A color guard
Uniformed service members who present the burial flag

DD Form 214 is required (Certificate of Release or Discharge from Active Duty)

Obituary

Write your own ___________________________
Select a Photo ___________________________
Where do you want it posted

Local Newspaper
Digital Accounts

What family members should be notified of your death _____________________
Create a message for loved ones. Write a letter, make a video, or whatever you think will be most meaningful for the people who matter most.
Do you want a reception after services ❑ Yes ❑ No

Where
Food
People
Mood

Designate who should receive personal items

Wedding rings
Antique furnishings
Mementos of import to you

Where to find list __________________________________

House Deed
Car Titles
Financial Paperwork

Bank Accounts, 401K, 403B, Investment, CDs, Treasury Bonds, Promissory Notes, Mortgage

Passwords

Include phone, iPad, tablet, computer, email, social media accounts, etc.

Safe Combination
Safe Deposit Box and Key
Life Insurance Policy and beneficiaries
Bills with due dates and amounts

mortgage, water/sewer, garbage, power, gas, internet, cable/satellite, homeowners insurance, etc…

Clearly mark CLOSED accounts

Dispose of any items you do want others to find

Diaries
Videos
Photos

Review your digital accounts and decide what you’d like to happen with them when you die.

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, LinkedIn, etc…
Digital wallets, PayPal, Venmo
Cryptocurrencies (Bitcoin, Ether, etc.).
Photos (Flickr, Shutterstock) / videos (YouTube, Vimeo) / music you’ve made (Bandcamp, Soundcloud) / music you’ve purchased (iTunes), etc.
Health-related services (insurance, electronic medical records, etc.).
Email accounts (and emails stored in them).
Websites, blogs, and hosting accounts.
E-commerce seller accounts (Amazon, eBay, Etsy, Zazzle, CafePress, etc.).
Forums, wikis, online communities.
Review sites (Yelp, TripAdvisor, etc.).
Subscriptions, including music (iTunes, Spotify, Pandora), boxes/products (Blue Apron, Dollar Shave Club), newspapers/magazines, etc.
Data storage (iCloud, Dropbox, Google Drive, etc.) and any files stored there.
Streaming services (Netflix, Hulu, etc.).
Loyalty/reward programs (airline miles, hotel or credit card points, etc.).
Data stored on your devices (computer hard drive or tablet/smartphone memory).
Smartphone-related accounts (Apple ID, Google account for Android, etc.).
Apps and data stored in electronic devices.

YOUR BODY

Cremation

Make sure family knows this is your wish
The next-of-kin must sign authorizing cremation services. (Spouse or All Children)
A death certificate is required by law
Direct Cremation - done without a funeral home
Cremation via funeral home

Visit the body before it is cremated
Cost may be higher than direct cremation

Disbursement of Ashes

Wake
Buried
Scattered
Split among family members
Commemorated (jewelry, urn, etc…)

Cremation Permit accompanies the cremated remains when flying and/or crossing state lines. Also have a death certificate with you.
Cremation Certificate needs to be given to cemetery if burial is planned
Do religions permit cremation?

Catholicism, Buddhism, Hindus, and Jehovah’s Witness allow it.
Judaism and Islam do not

Aquamation

The scientific name for this process is Alkaline Hydrolysis. It’s the same process that occurs as part of nature’s course when a body is laid to rest in the soil
A combination of gentle water flow, temperature, and alkalinity are used to accelerate the breakdown of organic materials
Remains are a white powder
Disbursement of Ashes

Wake
Buried
Scattered
Split among family members
Commemorated (jewelry, urn, etc…)

More expensive than cremation

Green Burial

Green burial is designed to have a minimal environmental impact and conserve natural resources
The body is not cremated, prepared with chemicals, or buried in a concrete vault
It is placed in a biodegradable container and interred in a gravesite to decompose fully and return to nature
Plot/Location

Burial

Embalming
Coffin/Casket
Plot/Location

Funeral/Wake/Memorial service or Celebration of life?

Funeral Home ___________________________________________

Burial Clothes ______________________________________

Adornments at Wake (jewelry, rosary beads, hair piece)
Are adornments to be buried with body or removed

Wake

❑ Yes ❑ No

Photos

Poster
Framed

Video
Casket Type ___________________________________
Register Book
Prayer Cards
Flowers
In Lieu of Flowers _______________________________

Religious Services

Mass/Service

Priest ________________________________________
Psalms _______________________________________
Readings _____________________________________
Songs ________________________________________
Eulogy - Ask them in advance _____________________
Speakers______________________________________

Military Service receives a flag for Casket covering

Resting Place

Location ___________________________________________
Family in attendance
Priest, minister, clergy, or religious leader at Graveside
Headstone/grave marker? Have I written out what I want inscribed on it? Design?____________________________________________