Part 2 of Planning for the Inevitable

When someone has died

If someone passes away at home while in hospice, you should get in touch with your hospice care provider. The nurse will arrive and will pronounce the patient. The hospice company will take care of filing paperwork, help with removal of the body and removal of different medical supplies.

If someone dies at home unexpectedly, or someone dies at home who was not in hospice care, you should call 911 immediately. It is important that you do not touch the scene, as unexpected deaths are investigated by the police and you do not want to contaminate any evidence. First responders will arrive at the scene and will attempt to resuscitate the deceased, unless you have a do-not-resuscitate order, or DNR order to give to them. If you do not have a DNR order, efforts will be made to resuscitate them and they will be taken to the hospital.

GRIEVE!

Take some time to process the death. Everyone grieves differently. Grief is the natural reaction to loss. I kick in to get it done mode and process later, others begin instantly, while others grieve intermittently. Hopefully your family is as balanced as mine and we grieve at different times. No matter what your timing is it is appropriate, acceptable and ok. It is exhausting.

No matter how well you think you are prepared for the passing of a loved one you never really are. You will go in and out of the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. Mourning can last for months or years, you can't control the process, only work through it. The pain of a significant loss never goes away but the pain becomes bearable.

Speaking to others who understand helps greatly. Seeing professional help is recommended and beneficial. I saw a therapist 2 years after my brother died because I could not get through the anger I felt. The therapist listened, guided and helped me process my anger. I was then able to move through the other stages of grief. I still grieve for my loss, I always will.

Those that have loved ones who planned ahead have the benefit to grieve and not worry about the decisions that need to be made immediately.

Immediately following death, you should:

This is based on my experiences and what I came across in dealing with 3 different estates. This is by no means a complete list. Ask for help as needed.

Notify family and friends
You may want to consider having family members contact others to save yourself some time on the phone during a stressful period.
Arrange for the care of any dependents

If there are minor children and the Will provides for a guardian, then the guardian needs to be informed and the children need to be placed in the care of the guardian
If there are minor children and no guardian is appointed, or if there is no Will, then the Court must appoint a guardian.

Arrange for the care of any pets
If employed, contact the deceased’s employer
Notify Landlord, if applicable
Contact their priest, minister, clergy, or religious leader
Look for instructions which the deceased may have left regarding preferences for funeral and burial arrangements
Determine if the deceased belonged to a burial or memorial society that may make special arrangements for the funeral, such as military honor guards
Contact a funeral home concerning burial or cremation arrangements.
Compile the following information that the funeral home will need in order to finalize the death certificate:

Deceased’s first, middle, and last name
Deceased’s Maiden Name (if applicable)
Deceased’s Home Address
Deceased’s Social Security Number
Deceased’s Date of Birth
Deceased’s Date of Death
Deceased’s Age
Deceased’s Gender
Race/Ethnicity
Marital Status
Spouse’s first and last name
Deceased’s highest level of education attained
Deceased’s Occupation
Deceased’s Place of Birth (City and State)
Deceased’s Father’s Name

Birth City
Birth State

Deceased’s Mother’s Name

Birth City
Birth State

If your loved one was a Veteran

Entered Service Date
Entered Service Place
Service Number
Separated from Service Date
Separated from Service Place
Grade, Rank or Rating
Organization and Branch of Service

Notify Executor
Notify Power of Attorney
Notify Religious, fraternal, and civic organizations that your loved one is a member of
Cancel Doctor appointments
Cancel deceased planned trips, vacations, hotels, etc…
Publish Obituary
Notify police of the death so they can drive by the deceased home, if necessary
Remove any valuables from the deceased’s home, secure the residence, and take steps to make the home appear to be occupied (for example, use of lamp timers)
Alert the Post Office to forward the deceased’s mail, if applicable
Arrange for the disposal of any perishables left in the deceased’s home- such as food, refrigerated items, and existing refuse
Complete funeral and burial arrangements.

Tip organist, priest, minister, clergy, or religious leader, cater

Include a thank you note

Know how many original death certificates you need. Some will companies take copies (estimate 10 copies) you can always get more later

Notify Social Security Administration as soon as possible. https://www.ssa.gov/survivors/ 1-800-772-1213
In handling the affairs of a deceased, do not be quick to make distributions to family members or friends of the deceased

Important choices need to be made concerning such distributions and, of course, they need to be in compliance with the Will or other instructions left by the deceased, not to mention any applicable tax laws.

Do not use the deceased credit cards, debit cards or check book

Keep receipts to be reimbursed for estate

Documentation for the deceased needs to be kept for 7 years
Some bills will still need to be paid. Make sure you know which: Mortgage, insurance, loans, etc…